Apparently we all dream and dream every night, it's just that most of us don't remember what we dreamt. I used to have many, varied and often fantastical dreams, the type that only Tim Burton could ever hope to recreate. These days I seldomly remember dreams. I think my mind is tied up in work and personal practicalities and dreaming, particularly if to be remembered, simply takes space and capacity that isn't there anymore.
So, the fact I had such a vivid dream last week and can still, a week later, recall parts of the scenery and story is noteworthy to say the least. The summary is that I was attending a close friends party - the friend was a real life person who resembled in looks it not personality, someone I counted as a close friend some years ago - and the significance of the party was that I was to be reacquainted with his sister. Now his sister was kind of the perfect girl, everyone knew of our chemistry and closeness but certain circumstances had always kept us apart, except for a brief frisson the last time we met, some years earlier I think. We shared a past, a history and an intense connection but had never tied the ends together.
You know yourself how, if attending a party and knowing there's someone there you want to meet and the same person wants to meet you, that there is, after a period of shadow boxing, an inevitability to this meeting. That is what this felt like and despite the pretence, everyone else knew the same and was watching out for the signals. The moment arrived and, despite being advised caution, we found ourselves together, alone and in an intimate moment only to have our cover blown.
The cautionary notes were not heeded and we were discovered almost in tandem by my friend and by 'my wife - a curios coincidence on reflection. Such a triumphant moment of genuine romantic connection ruined before it begun. Surrounded by those in on the bust and eager to witness the unfolding drama with wide eyes and smiles cognoscent of the uncomfortable viewing.
My wife was a dark and faceless character in this dream, quite opposed to the light, detailed and beautiful features displayed by my one true love. My wife, as any one in her situation, displayed strong disapproval, bitterness and resentment yet this was soften by some sense of begrudging acceptance of the predictably of this tryst and recognition of our feelings towards one another. This is sounding a bit Charles and Camilla, isn't it. All I remember is the look of loss, the brutal and public detachment drawn in the faces and lines of my real love as I was snatched from her and the sequence of being driven away by the wronged wife in a dark featureless finale.
I find it interesting how a week on after this dream that it is still lingering in my mind. I can picture the building where the party was held; both its exterior and some of the internal detail, slbut most strikingly, I still feel quite moved by that closeness I felt and the connection, sweet, honest and enduring. I'd love to know how this can be and what it is that has created some a kinship with literally a figment of my imagination. Maybe I have transposed the dream onto the identity of a real person though I don't necessarily know who. That said, I have felt an attraction to a woman at work recently, the first such feeling in a long time, but she bears no resemblance to the face I see in my minds eye. This could be evidence of a reawakening in me and a desire for an emotional connection with a woman. Who knows? Any one wish to digest a theory to this?
As I said earlier, I have not dreamt or experienced such a real feeling dream for such a long time. I wouldn't say this was a reoccurring dream but there were certain images such as that of a farm with a rocky driveway that feel familiar to me.
As a footnote, I once went to a friends party and formed a quick and lusty relationship with his sister. It was only heading in one direction before he reminded me that this was his little sister and to keep my hands off. As a friend I accepted his request. We are still friends. His sister is a young single mother. I have however once had a dalliance with a friends sister and that did affect our friendship but that's a whole other story for another day.....!!
Thanks for reading
London, July 2015
Thanks for reading
London, July 2015